The Digital Boyfriend Test: Can Your Online Love Become Real?
With all the sexting, texting and online dating in our culture, sometimes it’s hard for a girl to tell if an online crush is real or not. While it’s fun to get a charge out of his text-based flirting, can a digital fake boyfriend morph into a real life relationship. I mean, let’s be honest, for some guys a keyboard tryst is just that. He may not ever intend to move further than a sexting relationship. So here are some questions to ask yourself:
Is he an online groupie? Remember, a gushing blog reader is not a boyfriend. Now I’m not saying that someone who reads your words or sees your photo online or has 143 Facebook friends in common with you might never, ever become a boyfriend. It’s possible. But it can’t start out that way. I once had this misguided notion after a digital boyfriend had read my writing. I had wrongfully assumed that since we had seen each other’s photos, and heard each other’s voices, that we somehow “knew” each other. In actuality intimacy is something that requires plenty of face time – and I’m not referring to the iPhone program. If you are not meeting face-to-face now, you probably won’t be doing that in the future.
Did you start to sext too soon? Sexting is a wonderful way to maintain a fully intimate, trusting relationship. It is not a way to court. Intimate sexual talk, even if it be via text, is one way to slow down the growing emotional intimacy. It’s as if our minds can handle two kids of intimacy at once (sexual and emotional) so it puts the breaks on one. So, if texts and emails are laced with sex over intellectual and emotional topics, you might get a hook-up from him but probably not a boyfriend.
Do his actions speak louder than his texts? Plane Tickets Trump Promises. If he’s a no-show at the beginning, then you can count on him to be a no-show later. The beginning of a courtship should look like an Academy Award performance of Prince Charming. If it’s anything less than he is communicating something powerful to you. He’s not a real boyfriend. Move on!
Does he text way more than he talks? Text keeps us in touch, but that’s about it. Frequent, regular text messages assuage our attachment anxiety. It keeps us in touch. But it does not build a healthy relationship. It feels good. We get a happy impulse when we receive a text. But this series of dopamine jolts is the thing that tricks our brains into thinking this is a real relationship.
Does he live in geographic range? Geography rules. No wonder there is a dating app that helps you find the nearest suitor. Proximity is more important than compatibility. Really. No matter how perfect that man who lives 3000 miles away is for you, a perfectly good enough man on your block will get you closer to a healthy relationship and maybe even a family.
