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This article is a bit long… be sure to read it ALL & it will make sense. So… getting back with your Ex. Your problems are likely controllable and within your grasp of fixing. However, I really want to ask one thing… do you really want to get back with your Ex??

Think about that for a minute… toss emotional factors aside and look at things objectively. Do you want to continue down the same path before you try to make things work?? My advice is to you is to think long and hard about this, and try to have a sense of direction… an idea where your relationship is and where you want the relationship headed.

Assuming you thought things over & you want to make things work between you and your partner, I’d give one solid piece of advice…(drum roll please…)

Here it is: Be Yourself. Pretty powerful stuff huh

Listen, it truly sounds easy enough, but how often do we really follow that? Think about it for a minute…

When you’re on bad terms with your Ex… fighting, arguing, disagreeing about things, you’re are likely in a different state altogether than you would be when things are going well for you. I’ve seen this (and been through it as well) many many times. You fight with your partner, one person says one thing while the other may counter and say something else and just like that things escalate. Harsh words are said left and right and just like that things spiral out of control. (It can be harsh words, your actions, etc. that can take place and become problematic.)

It’s almost like a defense mechanism: When you’re attacked or hurt by someone, you likely reciprocate and say (or do) hurtful things to get back at the person. All the while there is damage that occurs on both ends and sometimes the damage is heavy and irreversible. This is a vicious cycle and it happens often within relationships.

Yes, chances are you are an amazing person with a great heart, but you’re also human at the same time. This means you have human tendencies, and acting in such a way I stated above is not uncommon. Now, depending on the damage caused and who was at fault for the majority of it will likely result in who thinks they are in the right overall.

(I think it’s quite funny how both parties may be at fault, but often both people think they are innocent and did no wrong.)

Now, if you step back and realize you were the aggressor and there were things you shouldn’t have done… do your part. Be the BIGGER person and do the right thing… talk to your partner and apologize from the heart (that’s a part of being yourself =D ). If you’re truly not at fault and you keep running back to your Ex hoping he/she will change after what they do to you, they are likely manipulating the situation and taking advantage of things. Somewhere along the lines they got the idea that they can act a certain way and it is “OKAY” because you will come back to them. It’s not okay, and if certain standards and boundaries are crossed, you need to draw the line or else NOTHING will change.

Be yourself, toss your pride aside. Let your partner know that perhaps you’ve both made terrible mistakes, but you want to move forward and make things happen. It’s okay to let them know how much they have hurt you, how damaged you feel by things. That is perfectly normal. Some people feel vulnerable doing this, but this is something you NEED to be able to do with the one you love… right? Eventually you would like to be there for them (through the good and the bad), be their friend, someone they can count on and vice versa.

If you’re afraid your vulnerability leads to the other person taking advantage of that, don’t be. Realize what they do and let them know exactly how you feel. Discuss expectations and your visions on how to make it all happen. Agree that you can talk in a civil manner without making it a screaming match. Don’t mask what you feel, be you for you. Let them accept you for the person you are. However, this does NOT mean go to them yelling and cursing and claim that is you for you and how you are. That’s all nonsense. It is very important to know there is a way of being, a way of conducting yourself. Be fair, equal, and be sure to give and take. If you love the person you’re with, you should be doing everything in your power to ease their pain, not intentionally cause them hurt.

At the end of the day, you can falsify things, scream your lungs out, get into a match of who is tougher than whom… but, for what? How far will that get you? It gets absolutely nowhere. Don’t be afraid of being vulnerable… put yourself out there and drop prideful and stubborn ways. It’s truly not worth it at the end of the day. Talk to your partner, from the heart, and let them know exactly what you feel. Let them know what hurts you, let them know you love them, let them know you want to make it work. Discuss expectations. If certain standards and expectations can’t be met, let them know it’s not okay and that you may not be able to be with them for these reasons. At the end of the day, be yourself.

All this hype out there of game-playing tactics to win your Ex back and make him/her want you, etc. is a bunch of garbage. Let’s assume you play a game and get them to want you back… and then?? Are core issues resolved? No, things are likely to go back to the way they were. You want your partner to love you for you. Period. Be yourself, you have NOTHING to lose and EVERYTHING to gain. It took me a LONG time to realize such things, and I was full of pride. My end result? Absolutely nothing worthwhile acting the way I did, and it even left me feeling a little guilty. When I was my true self and attempted to make things work, I felt complete and it was MUCH MUCH easier for me to sleep at night.;-)