Is Your Child on Drugs?
The start of school is usually a bitter-sweet time for parents. Summer is coming to an end, as is the extra time we get to spend with our children. Along with this sadness, most parents sigh a collective sigh of relief to watch the youngsters go back to school.
My time as director of an intensive adolescent substance abuse treatment center taught me that this is also the time of year young people start their experimentation with drug use – sometimes leading to full-blown dependence by the next semester, if their use goes unchecked.
A new school year is a time of great change for any child, for those changing schools – from elementary to middle school, or middle school to high school – it’s also a time of meeting new friends, and learning more about themselves. This is also the time children and adolescents may come into contact with alcohol, marijuana, prescription pills, or other illicit substances.
It is an important time for parents to understand that no matter how much you have tried to shield your child, no matter where you live, substance use is abundant in our culture, and in the adolescent culture. An educated parent is her child’s best ally against substance use.
This is not meant to scare you, but to encourage you to educate yourself, and to realize the subtle and insidious nature of substance abuse – it CAN effect YOUR child! I have worked with the children from families of every part of life and many parts of the country – children of Federal Agents, Truck Drivers, Doctors, Lawyers, Laborers, wealthy – poor – middle class; city, suburb, or farm -country. Substance abuse, addiction, knows no boundaries. Educate yourself. Know the warning signs. And please, don’t kid yourself that “it won’t happen to my child”.
Warning Signs:
Extreme mood swings – if you have been an adolescent, you know this time is riddled with “mood swings”, but here we are talking about wild mood swings from joy to hatred – often brought on by the parental word “No” (if you don’t use this word much at home, you may want to read some of my previous articles on parenting). These extreme moods swings can often be the result of substance use that creates euphoria, and then the crash of withdrawal, prompted by a need to go out and get more. There have been times that these moods swings, if brought to the attention of a physician, may be misdiagnosed as Bipolar Disorder.
Withdrawal or increased isolation – adolescent and pre-adolescents need their private time. They also need time away from parents and siblings to de-stress from the trials of school life and the flurry of changes that are happening to them. Healthy children engage in healthy behaviors during this time – studying, writing, communicating with friends (type/text/email/IM/etc), or playing video games. Parents should be concerned for the child that suddenly requires considerably more private time, or doesn’t associate with the family at all – trading this time in for time behind a locked door in their room. Note to parents – locked doors, drawers, closets, etc are often a giant “red flag”, as is your 15 year-old son’s sudden interest in the legal ramifications of his “right to privacy”. This is a difficult boundary, because for healthy growth, they should be entitled to privacy, however, it is not a “right” in your household if you are concerned they are engaging in unhealthy or illegal behavior – Parents have rights too, and they have responsibilities to protect their children.
Change of friends – when the old “good” friends that you used to like stop coming around and are traded in for new friends who might be a little “different”, this is a cause for concern and conversation. There is nothing wrong with questioning your child’s peer choices – but trying to dictate who friends should be can be another difficult situation. Encourage your child to make healthy peer choices through conversation and questions like:
- Tell me about your new friends.
- What do you like to do together?
- What do you have in common?
- Can I call (new friend) parents and chat with them?
- How does (new friend) do in school?
- What does (new friend) plan on doing in life?
Change in appearance – Dads of young ladies, this is a HUGE chore for you. It’s difficult enough to discuss your “little baby” who used to run around in overalls and pigtails now wearing low-cut tops and high-cut bottoms. It is equally concerning when your once cheerfully dressed child starts wearing super-baggy, super-dark, or super-different clothing. TALK TO YOUR CHILD ABOUT THEIR APPEARANCE and what it means to you and your family. This is a great opportunity to ask about what image they would like to convey – this is another time for conversation, not authoritarianism.
These are just a few of the warning signs. Drastic change is the key – when the change you experience in your child is far outside what you expect to be “normal”, I implore you to trust your “parent gut” – that instinctual sense you were endowed with the second your child was born. If your gut tells you something is amiss, trust it; ask questions, have a conversation.
If you struggle trusting your parent gut, or what your child is saying; or if you are having a hard time engaging in these conversations without resulting to arguments, it may be time to ask for some help.
