Relationship Counseling
Lack of compatibility is commonly sighted as a key reason for a relationship not working. People with vastly different values can find it very difficult if not impossible to work cooperatively to build a life and home together. Therefore, the taking of a compatibility test can be a great help in increasing the odds of a good strong relationship. Please keep in mind the following information.
Do…consider the long term. Is this someone you want to spend the rest of your life with? I know…the rest of your life is a very long time, and it can be difficult to think in those terms, but it’s worth asking this question. Think of it this way, how many people do you know that get married and aren’t hoping that it will last for the rest of their lives? That’s the normal thing, to want a lifelong partner. We want someone we can be transparent with and share our deepest thoughts and feelings.
Don’t…get caught up in things that aren’t really important. As important as a person’s looks are to us, the color of their hair, their height, and any other number of features that we are drawn to, there are more important things to consider, things that relate to character and integrity. Yes, those are pretty heavy sounding words, but if they aren’t considered, what’s the alternative… spending the rest of your life with a person that lacks character and integrity, someone who will lie, cheat and take you for granted? Not a pretty option, yet all too common. It saddens me greatly when I meet really nice people who are being mistreated by a selfish and self serving spouse.
Do…expect there to be change in both of you. There’s an old saying…men marry expecting women never to change, women marry expecting men to change. The truth of course, is somewhere in between. There will be change in both of you, and it’s your ability to adjust to these changes that will go a long way in determining your happiness as a couple. Regardless of your age, the person that you choose to be in a relationship with will change. Life throws us curveballs, unexpected challenges and sometimes really difficult problems that we wish we didn’t have to deal with. The key to change, to dealing with it effectively, is found in the commitment to growth and learning.
Don’t…expect to change the other person. There is nothing more damaging to a relationship when one or both of the partners are trying to change each other. The best environment for change to happen is one of encouragement for the uniqueness of the individual. Each of us wants to be respected for who we are. In truth, there is no one that we can change except ourselves.
