Building Unity In Marriage
An incredibly happy and successful marriage does not just happen. That is one of the myths of marriage. Love in a relationship and marriage depends on what you do. You will have differences with your spouse. God did not intend man and women to be the same, there is a divine reason why we are different.
The more different you are the more skills you need. My study about this also says substantial differences increase possibilities for dissatisfaction. You should at least have the same values and goals. This is why it is important to marry within your own religion.
Values are what you desire the most and what is most valuable to you. If you are dating, it behooves you to figure out what your partner’s desires and most important values are before you are married. It doesn’t mean your marriage is doomed for failure if failed to do this before marriage. You still need to figure it out but it will require more work. Consider also that some people’s values and desires change.
A good exercise to do is to pick your top 10 most important values then put them in order of priority. Have your spouse do the same. In a perfect world, the most important values would be the same between you and your spouse.
If your most important values are different from your spouse, you have a lot of work to do. Changing your spouse is difficult and usually does not work. Your spouse must desire change from within. The only thing you can do if your values are different is to communicate and explain to your spouse why you have those values.
Goals And Objectives Help Bind A Couple Together
Do the same exercise for goals that you did for values. Write your personal goals and your relationship goals. Think about what kind of marriage you want. Have your spouse do the same and then compare. If you are dating, do this well before you are engaged.
Here Are Some Questions and Issues To Consider:
* How are you going to handle finances? Are you fine with both of you working, or is the mother staying at home more important. If you both work, whose career takes precedence?
* How do you handle household chores?
* What kind of spouses do you want to be?
* What kind parents will you be? How will you discipline your kids? How much of your time, effort and resources will you dedicate to your children verses to each other?
* What will you do about each other’s family (in-laws)?
* What traditions will you have?
* How will you make a difference in the world individually and together?
Live By The 80 Percent Rule
The 80 percent rule says do 80 percent of the work in your relationship. Do more than you think you can or should do. To understand the 80 rule you need to understand egocentric bias. In relationships and marriage, it means you overvalue your efforts and undervalue the efforts of your spouse. You may think you are giving 50 percent but in reality are only giving 30 percent or less. By focusing on the 80 percent, you are more likely to reach 50 percent. Egocentric bias means your spouse is doing more than you realize and give him or her credit.
Some Common Ways To Apply The 80 Percent Rule
Many wives complain that they do all or most of the house work. Many women complain about this even when you both work full time. Some suggest dividing the work so each spouse has responsibility over certain chores. The idea is to do your list and then some of your spouses.
