Coaching – You Have Created Your Meanings – If You Don’t Like Them, Change Them!
People feel trapped by their circumstances and complain about their situations. You might not have the ability to change your situation right now, but you sure do have the ability to change your thinking, your meanings, and your attitude towards the circumstances. Dr L. Michael Hall calls these meanings ‘frames’ and he suggests to de-frame any unhelpful frames and references and create better meanings in our lives.
In my work with clients one of the most fundamental premises of my work is that ‘The issue is not the problem, it is the person’s relationship with the issue that creates a problem’. This relationship consists of your thoughts and emotions, which form or link to your beliefs, values, identities, and meanings that you have created over time. It is those internal references that make us perceive an issue as problematic or painful.
Different perspectives – different issues
If you look at the same situation, for example as being part of your family or your siblings, you will notice that the members of this group have different internal and external reactions to the same situation. The reason is because we all have different internal beliefs, values, identities, meanings etc. that we have created.
Change is inevitable
Some of you might say ‘I can’t change the way I feel or think about certain things!’ Is that true? Have you never changed your mind or stopped loving the person you have loved before? It is normal that you change the way you feel or think, you might just not have realized that there is personal choice over when and how you do it.
Ask yourself: What is the benefit of not changing? What would you lose if you were to change? What would you gain? What are you beliefs about change?
The rate at which you change is directly proportional to your beliefs about change. Would you like to change those beliefs?
I can’t do it on my own
In coaching we do exactly that. We help you change the frames and meanings that you created that no longer serve you in your current circumstances. Just like you would change your two-seater cabriolet car for a family car when a baby is on its way.
In many situations we are not able to see the solutions ourselves. The reason being that the solutions are part of different level of consciousness than where the problems are created. That is why we go and talk to someone about our problems and often find that even just telling someone makes things a bit clearer. The main difference between talking to a friend, loved one or family member and a professional coach is that from the people close to you, you will get opinions based on their history. From a coach you can expect an expert asking you powerful questions that will help you find out what it is YOU need to do
