Note To Self
Note to self: Don’t listen to Robbie Williams’ “Sexed Up” while getting over someone. It might encourage anger or maybe even hostile tendencies. Don’t listen to any Lenny Kravitz or “Heaven Help” or “It Ain’t Over Till It’s Over” or Richard Marx’s “Until I Find You Again” or Chicago’s “Hard Habit To Break” or just any sappy crapshit for that matter. These might encourage hopes of a reconciliation which could be detrimental to the recovery process. It might even cause delusions.
Note to self: Stay away from the cookie jar. In moments of absentmindedness you pluck at cookies as though they were popcorn and before you know it, all you’ve gained are pounds no figure-forgiving fabric can hide and fat by the ounces and then you’ll be unloved, heartbroken and – to top it all off! – hideously overweight, thus jeopardizing any hopes of future trysts with anyone of the opposite sex.
Note to self: Stop trying to convince yourself that it’s your fault and you deserve to be rejected. No one, no matter how they’ve screwed up in the past, deserves to be rejected. Jason Mraz already rhymed about it – It’s our God-forsaken right to be loved, love, love, love, LOVED. You just got the luck of the draw and struck out but things’ll get better soon. Don’t beat yourself up and stop crying over spilled milk (figuratively speaking). What’s done is done. Blaming yourself is not gonna make things better. Just a little bit more bitter.
Note to self: Don’t cling on to hope – or anything else or anyone else for that matter. In times of heartbreak and utter sadness, the only person who is strong enough and able enough to help you is you. Hold on to yourself. You’ve survived this savage world so far. You’ll get through this hump fine, bumps and bruises and scarred heart notwithstanding. You’ll be a little damaged and maybe even cynical but you’ll be stronger, wiser and thinner after all the moping.
Note to self: Stop singing freaking sad songs or any song that reminds you of the person you’re trying to get over. Before you know it, you’ll be singing at the top of your lungs, crying buckets and wishing for a bottle of vodka and dim lights. Listen instead to a lot of “I’m-getting-over-you-fine-sucka” songs that can give you an adrenaline rush. I highly recommend Walk Away by Kelly Clarkson and tons of Alanis when she was still so angry at God knows what and singing about black flies in your Chardonnay and having her hand in her pocket! Or you can try hardcore rockin’ songs that make your earwax dance.
Note to self: Don’t even think about getting a haircut. Getting a haircut while coping with a breakup is highly overrated and believe me, you will live to regret it. Find another outlet instead. Find a stray cat and light its tail on fire. Or get all of your grandmother’s old china out and do some destruction therapy by hauling them against a wall outside your home. Or find some of your ex’s stuff and incinerate them along with the bitterness. Anything but your hair. Not your hair. You already had your heart broken. Don’t compromise your crowning glory too. It could be your trump card in the future. It could get you laid sometime soon. By another person other than your ex, hopefully.
Note to self: When the pain comes over you, succumb to it – SERIOUSLY. Pain is good. It means you’re coping, accepting and very well could be on the road to healing. The angels could be singing the “Ode To Joy” faster than you can say “recovered”. The pain, thankfully, only lasts a fortnight. Maybe sometimes longer or shorter than a fortnight but it goes away just as quickly as it comes. You let out one big bellow of anguish and in one fell swoop you’re healed! Just don’t wait for the big bang. It does build up and explode but it’s not an orgasm.
Note to self: Stop going over every detail of the two of you and stop trying to analyze. That’s just what it is – two halves coming undone – a breakup. You both screwed up somewhere and the damage has been deemed irreparable so there’s no other option but separation. That’s all. No need for long speeches or gut-wrenching goodbyes to the world and yaddah…yaddah…yaddah. It’s no one’s fault. You can come up with all the clichés in the world but you’ll never be able to make more sense out of it other than – things happen for a reason and the two that once became one has now gone back to just being two.
Note to self: Eat – but in moderation. You need to sustain yourself. Crying is tiring. It should be considered a workout for this reason – like jogging or sex. Worrying takes its toll too. Thrashing your room and flailing your arms in defiance and defeat and beating the floor with your fists are all considered predictable actions when getting over someone and they all require strength. You need stamina for this. You owe it to yourself to at least be physically prepared for the rigors of heartbreak. You’re too young to keel over out of exhaustion just because you broke up with someone.
Note to self: Say NO to self-pity. It doesn’t matter who broke up with who. If you’re not together anymore, it just means you’re way too good for each other. I know it’s a screwed up theory but take it for what it is and you can thank me later. It works for me. It still is true in this cosmic loony bin we’re in. You’re too good for each other so you had to part. Someday when all this is over, another loony will find you and thank their lucky stars for you and the two of you will live loony ever after.
Note to self: Do not even consider getting up on any type of vice – smoking, drinking, drugs, overeating, shopping, playmate-hunting and Lord knows what else. You already made the mistake of falling for the wrong person before. You don’t have to top that by screwing yourself over intentionally this time. Think of a more docile vice – like praying or reading the Bible or maybe even going to church. Most people forget that God still exists despite all of this. Maybe it’s time you got back to that.
Note to self: Be thankful. Really. Some people live and die without feeling real love at all and nothing’s gotta be more tragic than that right? You fell inlove and things didn’t work out and you broke up and now you have to pick yourself up and dust yourself off. But at least you loved. If you’re broken and all screwed up inside because you loved someone deeply enough, count yourself blessed. Love, despite all its unfairness and craziness, is still this life’s most incomparable glory. If you’ve loved truly, madly and deeply even once in this life, I daresay you’ve lived a full life.
Hmm….looks like a good list for me to go on with. Maybe I’ll even add to it as I go along. Tick, tock, tick, tock says the clock. Now, if only I can get off this couch and convince myself that everything I wrote above are true and doable…then I might even begin to consider the possibility of me recovering from the pain and anguish of losing you.
